100 WORD CHALLENGE WEEK 21 Noel

When I was a kid, my mother would make my deliver groceries to the poor old lady next door. But really she was cruel and was loaded with money. But one day she said bitterly to me, “You will never make anything of your life and you will be as poor as your foolish mother thinks I am!” So that day I swore that when I get older I would rob all the loot that old women had stashed in her house. So the night of our story I sneaked in the window of her house, crept into the hallway and peaked into the sitting room and sure enough she was asleep. First I checked under her mattress, nothing. Then I checked behind the photo frames for a safe, nothing. Lastly I checked under the rug, BINGO! It was a trapdoor. When I opened it a glistening light shone out. My gaze was soon interrupted by a shadow. It was the old lady. There was a sheet under the diamonds and gold so I caught each corner of the sheet and made it  bag shaped. Then I legged it out the door where I joined my brother. We were moving very fast when……….

One thought on “100 WORD CHALLENGE WEEK 21 Noel”

  1. Hi Noel,
    Great story! You included a lot of details at the start which made the old lady very unlikeable. This allowed me to root for the voice of the story to be successful in the robbery. I liked the way you listed all of the possible hiding places. Each time the voice of the story found nothing it built more and more suspense. It was really effective. Finally, I liked the way you ended on a cliff-hanger. It left me wanting to read more. Keep up the good work.
    Michael (Team 100wc), Warwick, UK.
    P.S. be careful of the spelling of the word ‘peeked’.

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