Keep Your Wits About You by Eoin

“Have we lost them yet ?” Tom wheezed, staggering on through the crowd.

“No,” I panted, darting looks behind me to make sure they weren’t too close to us.

“Can we take a break for a minute ?” Tom wailed barely shuffling his feet through the streets.

“No ,we have to keep moving, ” I said. “They could still catch up.”

That’s when I heard the shouting , roaring and stamping of heavy feet .

“They’ve found us! ” I cried and scattered to hide somewhere .

“How about we hide behind these little sculpture things? ” Tom asked.

” they wouldn’t ever check behind them.”

“Great idea!” I shouted in delight, making myself comfortable behind the stone. We’d escaped them this time, I thought chuckling to myself.

2 thoughts on “Keep Your Wits About You by Eoin”

  1. Hello Eoin,
    Beginning your story during a chase is instantly engaging. The mood of the story is felt immediately as the urgency of the characters situation is revealed. Your vocabulary selection continues to add strength and depth to your piece. ‘Wheezed’ ‘panted’ and ‘wailed’ precisely express the exertion of Tom and his friend. Vibrant word choices energize your writing and create visual pictures for readers.
    You have pumped a tremendous amount of action into just 100 words. That is an impressive task. Well done!
    Thank you for sharing your talent,
    Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)

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