Tourists By Killian

“Mommy, I want to go to Chinatown,”Ben said.

“No Ben,we are going Clarke Quay,”Mom said back.

“I think we should go to the Botanic Gardens!”Dad exclaimed.

“In Chinatown, you can get those cat thingies that bob up and down!”Ben said dreamily.

“I just love all those colorful houses,”Mom explained.

“Guys,the Botanic Gardens are a lovely experience and I think we should go there and have dinner in the restaurant,”Dad said in awe.

“Actually, let’s go to Chinatown,”Mom decided.

“Okay,”they all said.

“Oh, you know that’s great and all,but you do realize we are made of  stone?”Dad explained.

And so they stayed there forever, sunk in sadness.

2 thoughts on “Tourists By Killian”

  1. Hello Killian,
    You did a fabulous job managing all of the dialogue in your story. It was very easy to understand the conversation between the characters. Dialogue can be tricky. All of the punctuation marks can be confusing, but you handled the verbal exchanges perfectly. Well done!
    The adverbs and verbs you selected were interesting. Strong, vibrant verbs and adverbs that complement them make a story come alive. “Exclaimed’ ‘dreamily’ and ”decided’ helped set the mood of the piece.
    As a way to make your writing even better, try to change words that have been overused. There are many synonyms for ‘said’ that can add interest and depth to your writing.
    Your ending was creative. I felt bad for the statue family that can’t go and enjoy colorful houses and delicious restaurants.
    Thank your for sharing your talent,
    Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)

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