Week 19 The Friendly Alien by Nathan

It was an ordinary  Saturday in the summer holidays when it started to rain. I didn’t have my rain coat on so I ran into an alley  by Supervalu  to take shelter. Then I noticed a strange noise coming from a pile of mud by a drain pipe .I slowly crept closer to the pile of mud where the noise was coming from .I started to dig very slowly in the pile of mud .Then out of nowhere a strange creature jumped from the pile of mud at my face. I jumped backwards away from the creature. It looked at me and said hello. I was astonished that this creature could talk.At that moment I didn’t know what I was thinking so I said “Will you kill me?” The creature looked at me with a shocked expression on its face. It said “No but I am cold.” So I picked him up and put him in my shirt pocket. I walked home and told my sister about the creature and where I found it. She said “Where?” So I said, “It came down the drain pipe by Supervalu.” She said, ” I don’t believe you!” and that it was a stuffed animal that could talk.

2 thoughts on “Week 19 The Friendly Alien by Nathan”

  1. Hi Nathan,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you don’t mention a drainpipe immediately, you turn the piece on its head by making it in a more domestic setting of a shopping trip until relieving the piece of tension in the end. You introduce a character spending part of his summer holidays doing some shipping. By doing so allows for a solid structure which gives the piece a good flow. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This is a very common theme for most people as most would have experienced it in real life, as I’m sure most people have been shopping! This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too enjoy such shopping trips. By mentioning the ‘strange noise’ early on you make the reader cling on the characters, and this is really effective. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Mud and rain are a sight usually associated together, and by describing the two you build a really believable scene. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The character’s decision to take the creature home while comic is also suspenseful; why the creature says it means no hear, can it really be trusted? The sister who jests and doesn’t believe the character gives the reader that excruciating feeling when someone doesn’t believe you, and this ends the piece really effectively. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of exclamation and quotation marks. Keep up the good work!

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